Winning

All posts tagged Winning

5 Lessons from Defeat

Posted by John R. Stoiber on November 19, 2017
Posted in: Failure Lessons, Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

It’s been over a year since I have posted to King of Failure.  However, I am back and energized to continue our journey together.  During my hiatus, I have observed and reflected on many instances of winning and losing… success and failure. What stands out the most, which is no surprise, are the losses… the failures.  What can we learn from them?

I for one do not like losing.  There is nothing fun about it.  Regardless, I know that losing teaches us some important lessons.  Here are five to remember:

  1. Be Gracious:  You don’t have to “like” losing, but winners always show respect for competitors.  Congratulate them.  Shake hands.  Wish them well.  Why?  It’s the right thing to do and there is nothing to be gained by damaging your reputation.  Don’t be a sore loser.  You would not like it when the shoe is on the other foot.
  2. Channel the Energy:  Losing stinks.  It hurts and can feel bad for a long time (if you let it).  You must channel any negative energy from losing into something positive – a specific improvement, a new practice regimen, a change in attitude, a change in strategy, etc.
  3. Get Back on the Horse:  The worst thing you can do is avoid the very thing that resulted in your defeat.  Face it – head on.  Step back up to the plate and try again.  Winners do not give up after a defeat.  Rather, winners learn and get back in the game better prepared.
  4. Don’t Make Excuses:  Rationalizing a loss as the fault of someone else only sets you up for future failure.  Own it.  Take responsibility and do something about it.
  5. Understand Your Motivation:  If losing doesn’t hurt then you may need to find something else to do.  Clearly you don’t want it bad enough.  Your heart is simply not in it.

 

Visualization: A Critical Element of High Achievement

Posted by John R. Stoiber on November 9, 2015
Posted in: Achievement, Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Stoiber - Visualize

Do you recall the idiom “a picture is worth a thousand words?”

The idea behind this statement is that an image of a subject conveys its meaning or essence more effectively than a description does.   But it can also suggest a critical element of high achievement in my view – the concept of visualization.   Here’s why.

When people “think” they tend to think in images, not just words.  If you tell the same story in words to a group of people, odds are that most will formulate a different picture in their mind related to the story.  However, if you tell the story in pictures, most will see the story similarly.  And frankly, I would argue, most will remember the story better and have a more emotional reaction to it.

The same is true when you target achievements.  To be clear about your end game (your ultimate goal), and maximize your motivation to achieve it, you need to “see” or visualize what the result looks like.  You need to play out the story of achieving it in your head.   For example, if your goal is to win a competitive bike race, you need to visualize yourself crossing the finish line first.   Perhaps you visualize a long lead and easy win, or instead a sprint at the end of the race to beat your competitors at the line.  Regardless, winning the race should be crystal clear in your mind.

What happens next can be amazing.  With great visualization, you will naturally experience more focus, increased motivation, and ultimately better performance than if you did not start with a clear picture of the end game.  If your visualization is foggy, your results will be foggy also.

Another benefit of visualization and putting yourself in the “image” of great achievements is that it will create the emotional capacity to get started, to work harder, and to persevere when setbacks come.  What you see is what you believe is possible.  You may not always achieve your goal the first time, but having a clear picture in your mind of the desired end game will accelerate your path to get there every time.

Say No to the “Participation Trophy”

Posted by John R. Stoiber on April 22, 2015
Posted in: Achievement, Failure Lessons, Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Stop Sign - Win Fail

As an active coach of youth sports, I have personally witnessed the performance, attitudes, and motivation of many young people. While the experience has generally been quite positive, there is one idea that I believe is fundamentally flawed.  That is the idea of a “participation trophy” – a prize or award for just showing up.

Now I am a big believer in maintaining a positive, encouraging environment in which young people can learn and develop.  However, the thought of building an “expectation” that regardless of your attitude, behavior or performance you will still be rewarded in the same manner is just the wrong approach in my view.

What do we honestly hope to achieve with the “participation trophy?”

Are we worried that our kids will be forever scarred if they do not experience winning at every turn?  Do we believe they are in such a fragile mental state at a young age that they MUST be a winner in everything they do?  Why do we feel compelled to shelter our kids from any possible feeling of failure?

While some may disagree, I believe we are making a huge mistake in teaching our young people that rewards come this easy.  That’s not real life.  In fact, I think the effects can actually set many young people up for sustained failure in the future if we create the expectation that they can win (achieve) without putting in the work.

Does a student graduate with honors without working hard to do well in class?  No.  Does the boss pay bonuses to the team just for showing up?  I should hope not.

Perhaps a more meaningful approach is to help young people understand what it takes to be a winner.  It takes a good attitude, self-motivation, a genuine desire, solid teamwork (in many cases) and a lot of hard work.  If we fail we need to know how that feels.  We need to learn from it, and understand what we need to do to improve.  Failure can be a real positive, and create a “fire in the belly” that only those who have failed will ever know or experience.  Failure inspires winners.

So save the rewards for the big achievements when we truly reach a goal that is more meaningful than just showing up.  If we avoid seeking unearned rewards such as the “participation trophy,” we will take full advantage of our true abilities and achievement potential.

Failure is Merely Learning How to Win

Posted by John R. Stoiber on February 8, 2014
Posted in: Fear of Failure. Tagged: , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Bullseye

In anything that we pursue in our lives, the “mental game” is a critical part of high achievement.

When was the last time you saw someone beat themselves up openly following a failure or setback?   Sometimes it wasn’t even something that mattered when you put it into perspective.  I have seen it many times – in sports, in work and in relationships.

I recently became the Manager of a youth baseball team, and attended a coaches’ clinic at a local high school.  I was impressed with what I saw from the head coach of the boys baseball team.  Their theme for this year’s season is “Compete Fearlessly.”   This is part of a bigger focus on ensuring that the players get their mind right when it comes to competing.  If they make a mistake, they are conditioned to say “so what” and focus on the next play.

What is amazing about this approach is it allows players to focus only on what they can control, and find a way to eliminate the negative thoughts from their minds about what they cannot control.  They cannot do anything about the last play, so why focus on it?  This is a very powerful approach that can work in all aspects of life.

We can all take a lesson from what this coach was demonstrating with his team.  We can learn from failure, but we can only look forward and use that failure as a means of figuring out how to win.