Achievement

Stop Listening to Other People

Posted by John R. Stoiber on October 25, 2014
Posted in: Achievement, Fear of Failure. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a comment

Stoiber - Do Not Listen

I firmly believe that to be successful you need to avoid one of the single most negative influences that can affect your progress – listening to other people. Many times those who have goals, dreams or aspirations to achieve great things share them with others they know.  Unfortunately, more often than not the opinions we get from others will be negative.

Why?

The reason is that most people are trapped in their own fear of failure.  That fear is an addiction and they want to make you a part of it.  Do not listen.  In fact, stop asking for the opinions of others unless you know that they have similar aspirations or are high achievers.  Entrepreneurs tend to be this type of person. They see opportunities everywhere and are rarely negative.  You need to choose carefully the people you talk to about what you hope to achieve.  When in doubt keep it to yourself.

Control Your Emotional Roller Coaster

Posted by John R. Stoiber on October 19, 2014
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Stoiber - Rollercoaster

One of the things I’ve noticed most about highly successful people is their ability to control their emotions despite their ups and downs.

Why does emotional control matter?

One might think that you should always celebrate your victories, and simply focus on not getting down when you fail.   However, I have found that you must control your emotions in both success AND failure.

In a previous post (http://bit.ly/KOFdelayedgratification) I introduced the concept of delayed gratification.  The same principle applies when controlling your emotions.   If you celebrate too much when good things happen to you, it tends to diminish your drive to continue to push towards your major goals.  It can also increase your short-term expectations of achieving a similar “high” and increase the pressure to repeat that feeling quickly.

If you instead get too down on yourself when facing a setback, it can easily erode your confidence and lead to procrastination, negative self-talk and even depression or feelings of hopelessness.

If we learn instead to control our emotions – never getting too high, and never getting too low – we build a sense of inner calmness that can dampen the roller coaster ride we experience every day.  We’ll build on our success without losing steam, and bounce back from failures without negative consequences.

Here are a few tips that have worked for me to control my emotions:

1. Separate yourself from the situation:   No matter what happens to you, think about it as though it happened to someone else and you were providing that person with advice on their own emotional control.  Then drink your own kool-aid.  This really works.

2. Stop and breathe:  It sounds simple, but when you sense your emotions are heating up you need to slow down.  Take a few minutes and breathe deeply and slowly. You will feel a calm develop and it will help you to temper your emotion.

3. Practice:   Ah yes.  Don’t expect to be good at emotional control without practice.  But, if you do practice you will see a big change in your overall success.

Rejection Can Define Your Future

Posted by John R. Stoiber on September 9, 2014
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Rejection

Here’s the reality.   In your life you will face rejection.   You might get cut from a team, dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend, told you cannot be part of a group or club, lose a sale to your competition, or be turned down for a job. Rejection happens.   What now?

How you answer that question, through what you do next, says a lot about what you will be able to achieve in your future. In fact, it can define it.

I’ll share a brief story.   When I was in high school, there was a guy I knew who joined a group of other boys to form an intramural volleyball team.   He was athletic, but he had never played volleyball before. His team played several matches over the next few weeks, and they were decent, but not great.

One day he was sitting at his lunch table and one of his teammates approached him.   His teammate told him that they no longer wanted him on the team.   “You stink” were the words used.   The guy was very competitive and generally good at most sports, so this hurt in a big way.

However, he had a decision to make that could affect his entire attitude in the future.  He could believe what the teammate said and be depressed, or he could channel the negative experience into some serious motivation.   No surprise to those that knew him, he went with the latter and it shaped many things he would do in the future when faced with rejection.

In case you are wondering how it turned out, the guy went on to become an outside hitter on a AA volleyball team, played in four leagues per week, practiced and trained like a fiend, and joined a USA Volleyball traveling tournament team.   He pushed himself to get the most out of his ability and had a great time enjoying the game.

Those teammates that rejected him in high school never knew – and that’s the way he wanted it.   He didn’t focus on becoming a good player to show them they made a mistake.   Who cares?   He did it to prove to himself that he could channel that rejection into something positive. He has approached every future rejection the same way.

You will face rejection, and it can hurt. But if you want to achieve your goals, make the right decision about what to do next when it happens. That can truly shape your future.   By the way, that guy from the story… it was me.

Fail Like a Kid

Posted by John R. Stoiber on September 6, 2014
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Stoiber - Reckless Abandon

Why can’t we do things as adults like we played as kids – with reckless abandon?   If you watch kids closely, they are really amazing in terms of what they will do and what they will try. It’s as though they have no fear.   The idea of failure doesn’t seem to ever enter their minds.   Sure they fail, but they get right back up as though it never happened.

Somehow as we grow up we are taught to fear things.   We are told to be careful – a lot – and if we make mistakes we can often be punished, scolded, put on the bench, sent to our room, grounded…. you get the idea.   These consequences can breed fear… fear of doing things wrong… fear of failure.   Fear can lead to paralysis. How can we possibly achieve when the risk of failure and consequences is so high? We are taught to play it safe.

However, if we want to achieve great things, we need to take some lessons from our childhood and play with reckless abandon. We need to fail and get back up, like a kid.

Live Up to Commitments

Posted by John R. Stoiber on June 29, 2014
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Live Up to Commitments

Have you ever known someone who starts a lot of things and never seems to finish anything?  Perhaps he or she joins a sports team, or decides to take music lessons, or commits to helping a friend with a project. Does the person quit before the season is over, stop taking lessons before the lesson schedule ends, or not show up to help out a friend?

In each of these cases, a personal commitment is being made.  It’s not forever, but there is a reasonable time implied by the commitment.  In the first two cases it is a period of time.  In the case of the project the commitment is to see it through to completion.  Think about what happens if you did not live up to these commitments. Some may think, what’s the big deal if you decide to quit after making a commitment?  What if you just do not like it.  Shouldn’t you have the right to walk away?   Think about the answer to this question.  How you answer it could define you for the rest of your life, and could set the tone for all personal achievement (or failure) to follow.

It’s easy to be a good starter, but it’s a lot harder to be a solid finisher.  It’s easy to quit.  It’s harder to remain committed regardless of the outcome. Ever know someone who was losing a game and just quit trying?  It happens all the time.

However, to be high achievers we MUST honor our commitments.  No excuses.  We must do our very best to the end.

Those who get in the habit of making commitments only to break those commitments later will not only become quitters for life, but they will find that most people will not trust them to deliver anything they say they will.  It would be better to not make a commitment at all if you knew you could not deliver.

Living up to commitments teaches us many skills we need to be high achievers.  Things like being a great teammate, building trust, demonstrating good sportsmanship, being a person others can count on, setting a solid example around work ethic, being respectful of others, handling adversity, managing your time effectively, learning how to be resilient, and much more.

Next time you make a commitment, follow through.  Finish what you start – every time.  You’ll be glad you did.

Create Your Own Luck

Posted by John R. Stoiber on May 17, 2014
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Stoiber - Luck

Over the years, I have often heard people refer to those who have achieved a lot in their lives and careers as just being lucky.  Do you think it is truly the case that people who achieve what they set out to achieve are just lucky?

Over the weekend I had a unique experience.  I was playing golf with a gentleman who I met at the course and we were paired together.  As we chatted during the round, I learned that he had been playing golf at a high level for a long time.  He was a former assistant golf professional, and still played in a lot of local tournaments.  Interestingly, he never experienced making a hole in one.   Very few of us do.  He mentioned that he witnessed many people have this unique experience.  Most, he mentioned, were not particularly good at golf, and perhaps many didn’t put in the practice time that he had.  We joked about the very slim chance it would ever happen to someone.  It seemed, it did require quite a bit of “luck.”

Then, an amazing thing happened.  About five holes later, the gentleman hit a 200 yard, 4-iron on a Par 3.  We could not see the hole from the tee, but it looked like a solid shot.  When we approached the green we did not see his ball.  After looking around for his ball, I told the gentleman it must be in the hole.  He didn’t want to believe it.   We approached the hole together and sure enough, there it was!  It was an amazing moment to watch, and I was thrilled to be able to experience it with him.

While it would be easy to say that hole in one was just luck (and it certainly was to some degree), his own preparation and skill is what gave that ball a chance to go in the hole.  You could say he did everything right to create his own luck.   When preparation, practice, skill development and the right attitude come together with opportunity, great things can happen.  That’s called creating your own luck.  Great achievers don’t sit around waiting for something lucky to happen to them.  They simply focus on doing the right things and believing in themselves, and eventually great things will happen.

 

Avoiding the “Mediocrity Trap”

Posted by John R. Stoiber on March 16, 2014
Posted in: Achievement, Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 1 Comment

Stoiber - Mediocrity Trap

A majority of people in life will never achieve what they are fully capable of achieving.  That is unfortunate.  Achievement is not about being smart, knowing a lot of people, getting that big break, or being the right place at the right time.  Sure those things can help, but most high achievement comes from plain old hard work and a persistence to work through challenges along the way.

There are rarely short cuts to achieving great things, but if you spend your time on the right things (i.e. behaving like high achievers), the probability of reaching your goals is much higher.
But, there is also an achievement-killing force out there that even potential high achievers may not recognize, and that is what I call the “mediocrity trap.”  This trap is subtle, and to know you are falling into the trap requires significant self-awareness of its reality and power, and your own willingness to change your behavior to avoid it.

To avoid the mediocrity trap, you must train yourself to consciously steer clear of the behaviors of low achievers.  For example, when you come home from work or school do you immediately sit down in front of the TV and burn away your evenings watching sitcoms or reality shows?  Do you spend hours playing video games?   Do you hang around with low-achieving friends who constantly complain about how the world has dealt them a bad hand?   Most low achievers will have many justifications for spending their time this way.

Instead, think proactively about what you want to achieve, and how you might invest your time differently to fuel your engine of achievement.

Rather than turning on the TV after a long day, read a book or other content in your field to re-energize yourself for the next day.  Consider your network of friends and spend time with those that also are high achievers. It’s exciting to see how associating with the right people can shift your achievement progress into high gear.  Block time on your calendar focused specifically on your own personal development.  Invest in your own learning.  Exercise, as taking care of your physical well-being is as important as your mental well-being.

Do one thing every day that contributes to your achievement goals.  If you take control of your own behaviors and avoid the mediocrity trap, you will be amazed by what you can achieve.

 

 

 

Accelerate Achievement with Positive Self-Talk

Posted by John R. Stoiber on February 22, 2014
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Stoiber - Positive Self Talk

Ever wonder what separates winners from losers, in sports, careers and life?  It’s not just about talent.  Having the right state of mind or attitude, and ability to recover from adversity can enable even the average person to achieve far more than someone with natural talent.

Throughout my life I have encountered a lot of individuals that tend to beat themselves up any time they face a setback or make a mistake.  They focus on the negative, wondering how it could have happened and even feeling sorry for themselves.  For example, if you play golf you can often see frustrated golfers who turn one bad shot into a series of even worse shots over many holes.  Negativity in your mind only builds on itself, and in most cases will magnify setbacks and ultimately crush self-esteem and increase the fear of failure.

Great achievers focus instead on positive self-talk.  That is, their attitude and state of mind ultimately determines the altitude of their achievement.  These individuals constantly repeat positive affirmations in their heads…. I’m the best, I’m the best, I’m the best… Instead of allowing their mind to go negative when facing adversity, they view it instead as merely a single transaction along a much longer achievement journey.  They’ll say things like “That’s OK, I got the next one, because I’m the best,” or “I can do this, I can do this, no big deal, I can do this.”

If you do not believe in the power of positive self-talk, try this exercise.   Spend one day with a commitment to using positive self-talk through the entire day.  Make a game of it.  No matter what happens to you during the day, constantly repeat positive affirmations in your mind.  You will be amazed at the change in your attitude, energy and overall confidence.  Just getting up in the morning and repeating over and over “This is going to be a great day… this is going to be a great day…” will make a huge impact on your approach to the day and what you are able to accomplish.

Imagine what could happen if you did this every day!

You are what you think about.  Garbage in, garbage out.  Fill your mind with positive affirmations and you will fill your life with achievement.